{funny friday}

Jim and Edna are both mental patients. One day Jim jumps into the swimming pool but, doesn't come up for air. Quick as a flash, Edna sees her friend in trouble, so dives in and pulls him out.

Later, the hospital director calls Edna into his office and sayes 'Edna, Ive got some good news and some bad news. The good news is, we are releasing you as you are obviously sane 'saving anothers life'. But unfortunately, the bad news is that Jim hanged himself in the bathroom ...'

'Oh no' Edna replies, 'that's where I put him to dry !'

{funny friday}

My daughter can now appreciate why this is funny...they only fall for the joke once!

{funny friday}

Some Psychology

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

{funny friday}

Parent's Dictionary of Meanings

DUMBWAITER: one who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

FEEDBACK: the inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

FULL NAME: what you call your child when you're mad at him.

GRANDPARENTS: the people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

HEARSAY: what toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

INDEPENDENT: how we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

OW: the first word spoken by children with older siblings

PUDDLE: a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

SHOW OFF: a child who is more talented than yours.

STERILIZE: what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it, and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it and wiping it with saliva.

TOP BUNK: where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

TWO-MINUTE WARNING: when the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

VERBAL: able to whine in words

WHODUNIT: none of the kids that live in your house

{funny friday}

Wonders of Coffee

{funny friday}

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Need more {funny} in your friday? Try these silly tongue twisters. You can't help but laugh..eventually!

Skunk Stump

A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk, but the stump thunk the skunk stunk.

The Bug and the Bear

A big black bug bit a big black bear, and
made the big black bear bleed blood.

The Sign of a Great Jacket

Lesser leather never weathered wetter weather better.

Short and Sweet ... and Hard!

Ed had edited it.

Ewww, Gross!

Freshly fried fresh flesh.

What are you finding {funny} today?

{funny friday}

Some Marriage Math:

1. Smart man + smart woman = romance
2. Smart man + dumb woman = pregnancy
3. Dumb man + smart woman = affair
4. Dumb man + dumb woman = marriage
5. Smart boss + smart employee = profit
6. Smart boss + dumb employee = production
7. Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
8. Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

{funny friday}

When a baby is born into a family it affects every one in that family. However, as you have baby 2 ... then baby 3, the way in which you deal with the child also changes considerably. Enjoy a laugh with the differences below.

Your Baby's Clothing:

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your pregnancy is confirmed.

2nd baby: You wear your ordinary clothes for as long as you are able.

3rd baby: Your maternity clothes are your ordinary clothes.

Getting Ready for the Day of the Birth:

1st baby: You practice your breathing as often as possible

2nd baby: You don't bother practicing your breathing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't help at all.

3rd baby: You accept an epidural injection as soon as it is offered.

{funny friday}

Love Affair?

An 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge in Cincinnati he asked her, 'What did you steal?' 

She replied, 'A can of peaches.'

The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches and she replied that she was hungry.

The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied 6.
The judge then said, 'I will then give you 6 days in jail.' 

Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment, the woman's husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something. 

The judge said, 'What is it?'

The husband said, 'She also stole a can of peas.'

{funny friday}

Lisa needs brain surgery and figures its easier to buy a new brain. She asks the doctor what he has on sale.

"Well you're in luck I have two in stock, a man's brain for $1000, and a woman's for $100."

Surprised she asks why the price difference?

"Generally women brains run cheaper because they come to us used!"